David Lynch Cooks Quinoa

Quinoa

 Chenopodium quinoa

Origin: South America     Region: Andean

Genre: Pseudocereal       Service: Hot/Cold

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Domesticated for millennia, revered by the Incas, scoffed at by conquistadors, and now hoarded at Whole Foods, the "mother grain" of South America has permeated international food culture since its Andean domestication circa 1900 BCE. 

This grain-like, pseudocereal chenopod (harvested for its edible seeds) is actually more closely related to spinach and tumbleweed than true cereal. Originally domesticated from wild varieties of  Chenopodium quinoa by indigenous Andean peoples, Quinoa evolved into the staple crops of Andean cultures in modern day Ecuador, Bolivia, Columbia, and Peru.

Introduced into the Western culinary tradition through Spanish colonialism (among the first recorded mentions by Europeans derives from a 16th century letter from Spanish conquistador Pedro de Valdivia to King Charles V), Quinoa sprung from a derided "Indian food" to the mild interests of European botanists and scientific journals to the "foodie revolution" of mid-80s America with its first major gastronomic inclusion in a New York Times recipe in 1986. With the advent of the "new green culinary revolution", Quinoa (much to the consternation of geopolitical critics) had arrived.

While other blogs might refer your culinary explorations to an authentic Peruvian recipe of pan sauteed wild garlic with a cup of hand-washed quinoa and two cups of water or broth added in with the late addition of sea salt and simmering for 15 minutes until the liquid is absorbed, Geek Gastronomique counters with a creepy, grainy, surrealist, two-part Youtube film recipe by the mystifying film auteur David Lynch. You're Welcome.





Thanks to our comrades at Open Culture for the discovery (and subsequent transcribed recipe) by Mr. Lynch. Femme fatales, little people, and severed ears are optional.

David Lynch Makes Quinoa

Yield: 1 bowl
Cooking Time: 17 minutes

Ingredients:
1/2 cup quinoa
1 1/2 cups organic broccoli (chilled, from bag)
1 cube vegetable bullion
Braggs Liquid Aminos
Extra virgin olive oil
Sea salt

Preparation:
* Fill medium saucepan with about an inch of fresh water.
* Set pan on stove, light a nice hot flame add several dashes of sea salt.
* Look at the quinoa. It’s like sand, this quinoa. It’s real real tight little grains, but it’s going to puff up.
* Unwrap bullion cube, bust it up with a small knife, and let it wait there. It’ll be happy waiting right there.
* When water comes to a boil, add quinoa and cover pan with lid. Reduce heat and simmer for 8 minutes.
* Meanwhile, retrieve broccoli from refrigerator and set aside, then fill a fine crystal wine glass—one given to you by Agnes and Maya from Lódz, Poland—with red wine, ‘cause this is what you do when you’re making quinoa. Go outside, sit, take a smoke and think about all the little quinoas bubbling away in the pan.
* Add broccoli, cover and let cook for an additional 7 minutes.
* Meanwhile, go back outside and tell the story about the train with the coal-burning engine that stopped in a barren, dust-filled landscape on a moonless Yugoslavian night in 1965. The story about the frog moths and the small copper coin that became one room-temperature bottle of violet sugar water, six ice-cold Coca-colas, and handfuls and handfuls of silver coins.
* Turn off heat, add bullion to quinoa and stir with the tip of the small knife you used to bust up the bullion.
* Scoop quinoa into bowl using a spoon. Drizzle with liquid amino acids and olive oil. Serve and enjoy.

Provençal Pistou: Or, Abandon Pine Nuts All Ye Who Enter Here.

Pistou

Origin: France   Region: Provence

Genre: Sauce     Service: Cold

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Pistou, the verdant treasure of Provence, is remarkable stuff. Like its Genoese cousin to the East, the entomology similarly derives from the Italian origin word pestare (to pound or to crush- most notably with a mortar and pestle) and is likewise a sauce comprised chiefly of fresh basil, garlic, and olive oil. Unlike pesto, the French variation pistou (introduced by 19th century Genoese immigrants) is noticeably lacking the Mediterranean-influenced pine nut and contains a portion of tomato. 

The succulent French variant is a criminally neglected condiment most often served atop summer vegetable soups (Soupe au Pistou), pastas, and is surprisingly effective as a seafood garnish. Like the regionalism of its genesis, there are countless variations of pistou, and our example is by no means the authoritative version.  Comprised of 6 essential ingredients, Geek Gastronomique's simple pistou is terribly easy to prepare with a mortar and pestle (or in the white flag of a modern food processor).

 Combine 2 cups of fresh basil, 2 cloves garlic, 3/4 cup fresh grated Parmesan, 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil, sea salt, and a bit of tomato. Crush or process into a paste-like consistency and garnish with fresh pepper. Serve cold as spread, condiment, or drizzled atop hot soup.

Best employed atop a freshly ladeled summer soup, the composition of the pistou serves to slowly spread atop the surface, releasing its oils with a transcendent flourish of flavor. A thicker consistency (derived from a greater initial portion of basil) works best for crostini spreads, while the thinner for pastas and fish.

Share the majesty of pistou and experiment often with ratios to taste- it is rumored that the grande dame herself insisted on the inclusion of more tomato, and only a blasphemous hint of basil- who are we to disagree?